Interview with the Zodiac I mean, the Sohmas!
by XSora-ChanX
Summary: Synphy and Rain, two ordinary girls, get a brilliant idea to interview the members of the Zodiac...I mean, the Sohmas! When they decide to start off with Yuki, Kyo, and Momiji, chaos and disorder and candy obviously show up. [ON HIATUS]
1. Chaos and a Theme Song

A girl walked onto the stage. She looked around and then stood there for a while. Synphy then realized they were on the air. "Hello and welcome to my show the Interviews with the Zodi...I mean, the Sohmas." She coughed. "So today we have the prince of Kaibara High School, YUKI! YAY!"

Yuki, who was sitting on the stage, looked at Synphy and said, "Hello...umm, sorry but what was your name again?"

Synphy yelled "JUST CALL ME SYN-CHAN, YUKI-KUN!" Then she got a look on her face like a Yuki fan girl.

Synphy walked onto the stage so there was two of her. "HEY I TOLD YOU NOT TO IMPERSONATE ME!" she yelled, pointing at the first "Synphy"

The first Synphy screamed. "AHHHHHHHHH YOU'RE BACK!" Then she took off mask to revel a Yuki fan girl and ran away from the real Synphy, who somehow had a chain saw.

The REAL Synphy looked at Yuki. "Hello, Yuki-kun! Umm, please, call me Syn-kun, Synphy-kun sounds funny."

Yuki said "Okay..." then looked at chainsaw.

Synphy turned off the chain saw. "So, is it true that you live in a house with your older cousin, Shigure-san?"

Another girl walked in. Rain added, "And with your other cousin, Kyo-kun?"

Yuki nodded. "Yes, and also with Tohru Honda."

Synphy gave him a thumbs-up. "Fascinating. And so how did you become the prince?"

Yuki shrugged. "I don't know, the girls just..."

Synphy jumped up and yelled, "OH, ALL OF THEM, HUH? THEY JUST STARTED SWARMING? YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL, HUH?"

"Umm...yes."

Synphy fell over anime-styled. "Completely busted my bubble..."

Rain looked at Yuki. "Is it true that Kyo really hates leeks?"

"And miso and onions and me."

"OH, YOU POOR THING, LIVING IN A PLACE WITH SOMEONE WHO HATES YOU, MY POOR YUKI!" Then she jumped on Yuki and hugged him.

Yuki then went POOF and turned into a rat.

"Umm..." Rain stared at Synphy, who was hugging the rat for a while then read a random piece of paper. "Well, let's bring in our next guest, KYO!" Then she realized that the audience is all Yuki fan girls "Oh, umm...Yuki's cousin!"

Fan girls clapped with enthuastic-ness-icity, if that's even a word, which none of them knows, but they're pretty sure it isn't.

Kyo walked in and said, "What the hell is going on?"

Rain smiled and jumped up. "I'm interviewing you!"

Kyo stared at Synphy, who was still hugging Yuki. "Umm..."

Momiji then randomly comes in and sees Synphy. "HI, SYN-CHAN!" he yelled, waiving at her.

Synphy let go of Yuki, who ran away and hid. "HI, MOMI-CHAN!" she yelled, waiving back, despite the fact they were literally two feet away from each other.

Kyo glared with an evil Akito-styled glare that scared the fan girl, who screamed. "Whose damn idea was this, anyway? Every time either of them opens their mouths, they annoy me."

Synphy and Momiji turned to Kyo. "NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE, KYON-KYON!"

Kyo hit both of them. "Seriously, every time."

"WAAAAAAH KYO HIT ME! KYO'S PICKING ON ME!" the two yelled, anime-styled tears going down their faces.

Rain slapped Kyo across the face with surprising strength almost like Kagura "DON'T HURT SYNPHY!"

"Alright, damn!" Kyo then held face where Rain hit him. It had hurt.

Yuki then went POOF and turns back into a person, his clothes still by the chair which was randomly on its side.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rain and Synphy screamed, running away to their DOOOOOOOOOM! Well, actually just backstage.

Random fan girl #1 yelled, "Hey, they're the host they can't run away!"

Random Fan Girl #2 agreed. "Hey, that's right!"

Yuki then puts on his clothes, hiding from the scary fan girls.

Rain and Synphy came back in, waiving. "Hi, everyone!"

Kyo was annoyed. "Are you interviewing us or not? Geez, I've got better things to do than stand around here all day."

Momiji smiled and teleported next to Kyo (**A/N WEEEEEEE teleportation!**) "What, is you want to do something with Tohru?"

Synphy ran over to Kyo, because she wasn't cool enough to teleport. "Yeah, like take her somewhere where you can be alone and you—"

Kyo yelled, "SHUT THE HELL UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Then an anger mark appeared on his forehead.

Synphy then turned to the ultra-cool-teleporting Momiji and said, "So, Momi-chan, is true that your own mother doesn't know she's you're..." then she started to cry anime-like.

Momiji looked at Synphy. "Did I make Syn-chan cry? Yes, it's true."

Synphy suddenly looked evil and Akito-like. "IS IT TIME FOR HER TORTURE?" she yelled, pulling out the chainsaw and turning it on.

Rain looked at it. "Hey, isn't that Kage's?" she asked.

Synphy looked down at it. "...Maybe..."

Rain talked Synphy. "HEY HE'S BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT AFTER IT WENT MISSING!" Then she started to try to take away chainsaw, that was turned off so no one died because they aren't allowed to yet.

The awesome Announcer then randomly said, "And we'll be back after this therapy session for everyone except for Yuki!"

Synphy looked for the Announcer. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEREPY!"

Then a random commercial played, involving the Cloud song and Shigure's random pet penguins. The commercial-maker people are so uncreative.

The awesome Announcer announced, "And we're back!"

Synphy. Rain, and Momiji yelled, "HI EVERYONE WHO'S WATCHING/READING!"

Kyo rolled his eyes. "What a bunch if morons."

Yuki, who was sitting in the one chair that wasn't behind the somehow chopped in half host's desk, looked at Kyon-Kyon. "Shut up, stupid cat." He said in an evil, threatening voice.

"WHO YOU CALLIN' STUPID?"

"You."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU DAMN RAT!"

Synphy smiled and looked at Kyo. "Okay, for Kyon-Kyon, is it true that you are engaged to Kagura?"

Kyo, who had an anger mark on his head, yelled "SHE MADE ME!"

"How, Kyon-Kyon, my cat-loving friend?" Synphy said, crossing her legs even though she was wearing jeans and leaning forward. Yes, she was sitting on half of Yuki's chair. Yuki still sat in it.

"DON'T CALL ME KYON-KYON OR YOU CAT-LOVING FRIEND!" Kyo yelled.

Synphy shook a finger at him. "Don't make me release the cats."

Kyo looked confused.

Synphy then pressed a random button off a random control panel "OOPS, I released the rats, watch your feet, fan girls!" she yelled to the fan girls.

The fan girls screamed.

Synphy then pressed a big shiny red button that had a sign that said, "DO NOT PUSH OF KYON-KYON WILL DIE! YES HE WILL! DON'T PUSH IT FOR THE LOVE OF CHEESE! DON'T PUSH IT!" "YAY here come the cats!" she yelled.

Kyo was then attacked by a couple thousand cats. ("IT IS NOT!" Kyo yelled at the authoress.) Fine, a couple dozen, gosh. Ruin the fun.

Synphy pointed at a random bowl. "Momi-chan, look! Candy!"

Momiji jumped up and down. "YAY candy! Do you want some, Syn-chan?"

Synphy jumped up and down with the blonde bunny. "OOOOOOOOO, CANDY! THANKS, MOMI-CHAN!"

Yuki rolled his eyes. "You were the one who really randomly found it." He said.

Synphy stopped, eating a piece of the wonderful sugary goodness. "Oh, yeah. Now, let's sing the song stuck in my head from another anime!" she said to Momiji.

Momiji yelled, "Okay!"

The two, of whom neither can sing, sang, "Dual! I'm not going to tire of this... Dual! ...Unusual world for a while. Dual! This entire city is just one, gigantic, dream-like merry-go-roooooouuuuuund."

Kyo looked at them, holding Rain away from him with his hand on her face so she won't glomph him. (**A/N: Glomphing is like tackle-hugging.**) "You to really suck, you know that, right?" he said.

Momiji laughed, very sugar-high. "I bet Kyo is just saying that 'cause he likes Syn-chan."

Kyo turned red. "SHUT UP!"

"So it's true!"

Kyo hit Momiji on the back of the head. "NO IT'S NOT, YOU DAMN KID, DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!"

Momiji wailed, "WAAAAAAAAAAH KYO'S PICKING ON MEEEEEE!"

Rain slapped Kyo's face again. "DON'T HURT MOMIJI-KUN, EITHER!" she yelled.

Synphy and Momiji cheered. "More power to you, Rain!" they said.

The awesome Announcer announced, "And this concludes this episode of INTERVIEW WITH THE ZODIAC...I MEAN, SOHMAS! YAY!"

Momiji looked at the roof to find the awesome Announcer. "Aww, already? Announcer, you're dull."


	2. The Weirdo Game

Author's note: This actually my third or fourth time writing this chapter anime sweat drop Anyway, I do no own Fruits Basket, or any of the songs. This is most likely going to be changed names, but I need a new one, so yeah. That's all, I guess.

The awesome Announcer announced, "Welcome to the Interview with the Sohmas! Hey, I got it right!"  
The fain-girl Audience cheered. "YAY FOR THE ANNOUNCER!"  
Synphy jumped up and down shamelessly, for she never wears skirts. "Hey, I gotta game!" she said.  
Rain and Momiji said, "Really?"  
Synphy smiled like this 3. "Yup! I do!"  
Rain and Momiji looked interested. "LETS PLAY, SYN-CHAN"  
Synphy nodded. "Okay, but they wanna play, too!"  
Ayame and Shigure walked onto the stage.  
Yuki and Kyo gave Synphy a get-them-away-or-someone's-gonna-die look.  
Synphy smiled again. "This is called the Game to End All Shame! Hey, that rhymes! Heehee! Anyway, you pick a partner and you spin a wheel and you take the paper on the section it lands on and you and your partner sing the son written on the back!"  
Yuki and Rain immediately said, "I pass."  
Momiji jumped up and down and grabbed Synphy's arm. "Syn-chan, you be my partner!"  
Synphy nodded and jumped. "Okay!"  
Ayame looked at Shigure. "Shii, you are my partner!"  
Shigure looked back. "Alright, Ayaa!"  
Kyo looked evil. "HAH I could sing better then you all combined!"  
Synphy looked at him. "Then you go first."  
Kyo yelled, "NO! I'm going second."  
Rain made a face like this --' "...Ummm...why...?"  
Ayame yelled, "Then WE will go first!"  
Momiji said. "Then me and Syn-chan will go last!"  
Synphy said, "Spin the wheel!" then she took out a random wheel.  
Ayame spun the wheel and it stopped pretty quickly. Then he took the paper and showed it to Shigure.  
Kyo spun the wheel so hard it spins for about 10 minutes, then takes the paper in the section it lands on.  
Momiji spun wheel that spins for longer than Ayame but not for ten minutes than handed Synphy the paper.  
Rain: So, what did everyone get?  
Shigure read almost proudly, "My Humps".  
Kyo said, "Some song called 'Don't' Cha'. Don't I WHAT?"  
Synphy read, "...Ummm...'Hips Don't Lie'."  
Rain was literally rolling on the ground laughing.  
Kyo said, "I'll go first!"  
Ayame said, "NO, I said I was!"  
Kyo pouted. "Fine. Whatever."  
THE music started and Ayame and Shigure start dancing disturbing dances.  
Shigure started. "What you gon' do with all that junk?   
All that junk inside your trunk?"  
Ayame sang in a very girly voice, "I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,   
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lump. Check it out.

I drive these brothers crazy,  
I do it on the daily,   
They treat me really nicely,  
They buy me all these ice-ys.   
Dolce & Gabbana,  
Fendi and then Donna  
Karen, they be sharin'  
All their money got me wearin'  
Fly gearrr but I ain't askin,  
They say they love my ---'n,  
Seven Jeans, True Religion,  
I say no, but they keep givin'  
So I keep on takin'  
And no I ain't takin'  
We can keep on datin'  
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love   
You love my lady lumps,  
My hump, my hump, my hump,  
My humps they got u,  
Shigure sang, "She's got me spending."  
"Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me."  
"She's got me spendin'."  
"Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me."  
"What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?"

"I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump."   
"What u gon' do with all that?  
All that inside them jeans?"  
"I'm a make, make, make, make you scream  
Make you scream, make you scream.  
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. Check it out."  
Shigure sang, "I met a girl down at the disco.  
She said hey, hey, hey yeah let's go.  
I could be your baby, you can be my honey  
Lets spend time not money.  
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,  
Milky, milky cocoa,  
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiigh."  
Ayame began to dance in a way it took all of Synphy's and Rain's efforts to keep Yuki from running off with a knife.

"They say I'm really sexy,  
The boys they wanna sex me.  
They always standing next to me,  
Always dancing next to me,  
Tryin' a feel my hump, hump.  
Lookin' at my lump, lump.  
You can look but you can't touch it,  
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,  
You don't want no drama,  
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama  
So don't pull on my hand boy,  
You ain't my man, boy,  
I'm just tryn'a dance boy,  
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,  
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.  
My lovely lady lumps  
In the back and in the front."  
"She's got me spendin'."  
"Spendin' all your money on me and spending time on me."  
"She's got me spendin'."

"Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me."  
"What you gon' do with all that junk?  
All that junk inside that trunk?  
"I'ma get, get, get, get you drunk,  
Get you love drunk off my hump"  
"What you gon' do wit all that?  
All that inside that shirt?"  
"I'ma make, make, make, make you work  
Make you work, work, make you work."  
"She's got me spendin'."  
"Spendin all your money on me and spendin' time on me."  
"She's got me spendin'."  
"Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me."  
Then there was a disturbed silence.  
Yuki said "I'm disturbed. Mentally scarred. Well, more than I already was."  
Kyo jumped on the stage. "My turn! HAHAHA I shall beat you all!"  
Yuki rolled his eyes. "Just hurry up, you stupid cat."  
"SHUT UP!"  
THE music starts and Kyo finally realises what song he's singing.  
Kyo said, "Wait a min---Oh, forget it."  
Then in a very purtyful voice, he sang, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha   
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha 

Fight the feeling  
Leave it alone  
Cause if it aint love   
It just aint enough to leave a happy home  
Let's keep it friendly  
You have to play fair  
See, I don't care  
But I know she aint gon' wanna share

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha , baby  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha

I know I'm on your mind  
I know we'll have a good time  
I'm your friend  
I'm fun  
And I'm fine  
I aint lying  
Look at me, you aint blind

I know I'm on your mind  
I know we'll have a good time  
I'm your friend  
I'm fun  
And I'm fine  
I aint lying  
Look at me, you aint blind

See, I know she loves you   
I understand  
I'd probably be just as crazy about you  
If you were my own man  
Maybe next lifetime  
Possibly  
Until then, Oh friend you're secret is safe with me

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me  
Don't cha, don't cha  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me  
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me  
Don't cha, don't cha"  
There was more silence and everyone makes faces like this o.O  
Synphy was stairing. "Did...Kyon-Kyon just..."  
Rain replied, "Yeah..."  
Synphy yelled, "THAT WAS WRONG! THAT WAS GROSS! YOU STRIPPER!"  
"He's wearing another shirt..." Rain reminded her.  
Synphy said, "Oh, yeah, right."  
Momiji jumped up and down and pulled Synphy. "Our turn, our turn!"  
Synphy jumped on the stage Kyo-styled, then fell down. She got up and aid, "Okay!"  
THE music starts and Momiji and Synphy start a bad attempt at dancing like the people in the "Hips Don't Lie" music video.  
Momiji sang in a weird voice, "Ladies up in here tonight   
No fightin', no fightin'  
We got the refugees up in here  
No fightin', no fightin'

Shakira, Shakira

I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira"  
Synphy, who was dancing like a maniac, sang badly, "Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body

I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection."

Momiji sang in a now purtyful voice, "Hey Girl, I can see your body movin'  
And it's driving me crazy  
And I didn't have the slightest idea  
Until I saw you dancin'

And when you walk up on the dance floor  
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, girl  
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it  
So you can keep on shaking it

I never really knew that she could dance like this   
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira"

"Oh baby when you talk like that  
You make a woman go mad  
So be wise and keep on   
Reading the signs of my body

And I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel you boy  
Come on lets go, real slow  
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto

Oh I won't deny my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection  
Shakira, Shakira

Oh boy, I can see your body moving  
Half animal, half man  
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing  
But you seem to have a plan  
My will and self restraint  
Have come to fail now, fail now  
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know  
That's a bit too hard to explain"

Then they both sang, "Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de día

Baila en la calle de noche  
Baila en la calle de día."

Momiji, who was high off of air, jumped and hugged Synphy, changing into a rabbit. "I never really knew that she could dance like this  
She makes a man want to speak Spanish  
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa  
Shakira, Shakira

Synphy, holding the rabbit, sang, "Oh baby when you talk like that  
You know you got me hypnotized  
So be wise and keep on  
Reading the signs of my body

The bunny sang, "Senorita, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia."

Synphy, mispronouncing almost every word, tried to sing, "Mira en Barranquilla se baila así, say it!  
Mira en Barranquilla se baila así"

The Momiji-bunny sang, "Yeah  
She's so sexy every man's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a 3rd world country  
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty  
I need a whole club dizzy  
Why the CIA wanna watch us?  
Colombians and Haitians  
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction  
No more do we snatch ropes  
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats."

Synphy, dancing like a maniac escaped from a mental place, sang, "I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel you boy  
Come on let's go, real slow  
Baby, like this is perfecto

Oh, you know I won't deny and my hips don't lie  
And I am starting to feel it's right  
The attraction, the tension  
Baby, like this is perfection"

Momiji finished, "No fightin'  
No fightin'"  
Even More Silence!  
Synphy said, turning red, "That felt wrong. I'm sure it looked it."  
Rain nodded. " Yeah, it did."  
Yuki still hadn't recovered from Ayame's singing. Too bad Rain had the knife.  
Ayame said, "Awwwww, does Momi-chan like Syn-chan?"  
Shigure nodded. "I think so."  
Momiji, still a bunny, climbed on Synphy's sholder. "Not like that! Syn-chan, they're scaring me."  
Kyo nearly slapped him. "YOU IDIOT! You're just encouraging them!"  
Shigure said, "He's right, you know."  
The awesome Announcer announced, "And that concludes this interview-less episode of the INTERVIEW WITH THE ZODIAC...I MEAN, SOHMAS! YAY!"

Author's note: And so ends this ...interesting... chapter. In case you were confused at the end of Kyo's performance, he wasn't wearing his top shirt (he was wearing an undershirt). So yeah, that's all! Buh-bye! Waives


End file.
